So, I've put a good deal of thought recently into the fact that, sadly enough, I don't believe I'm doing a good enough job representing myself to the general public.
It actually began about 2 months back when some people who have known me for a considerable enough amount of time, were surprised to "discover" I both illustrate as well as write music. It took me aback because, in my mind, these are some of the most apparent aspects of who I am (second, only to, I think, my status as being the definition of my birth name) and are things I talk about THE MOST. However, it was such a strange reaction from these people that it began a PROPER analysis of what, exactly, my image is projecting out there...and whether I needed to change it or not.
I discovered that people believe me to be a staunchly "private person", one prone not to share things that are "really going on with me." Furthermore, I am "soft spoken" and usually a guy who "sits and observes things from the background," with a demeanor thats both "comforting" and "cool."
Some of that stuff (riddled with direct quotes) is a bit shocking to me.
Here's the thing, though (getting to the point before losing the audience): I've started to realize that maybe my view of the Self and how it is visually seen by those around me, isn't the same as the one everyone is ACTUALLY viewing. (cue theme music to "That boy has an EGO") Much like how companies want to create a "brand" for people to instantly recognize, in some ways, we have to do that for ourselves. Now, before people freak out on some "Conduct's going corporate!" I want to clarify here: I'm NOT saying THAT. Far from it, I believe. My thought here is, you can't expect that because you ARE something that people will just know it. Its more than that. Your actions, your words, where you go, who you are with...these things all say so much about the type of person you are and what should be ASSUMED about you. It is up to you to make the right choices in how to approach life and establish the way you will be visualized within it.
I don't think many of people realize this. There are plenty that wish for a "better life" or "better job" who don't get that in order to have your existence change YOU have to be willing to change YOU. Sadly, some people go too far with it and lose themselves in the search for "gains."
It's a tricky thing to peg down. I obviously haven't mastered it, myself. But, as I seek to become better at that while staying true to the Hope I have in Christ, I know one day it will be an easy task for people to recognize all the major aspects of what I am, what I do, and whom I'm all about. That ability to let Self...or (at least) a visualization of, be very apparent to those who's paths I cross, won't be the trouble that it is right now.
- Conduct Lionhardt