I have never really been one to think way too highly of my opinion. I am sure that I'm not the only one with that problem. I suppose that's why its taken me over a year to start up this blog.
I initially got the idea to do a blog when a website I had went under after a series of unfortunate events. (no pun intended. I'll speak on that in a future blog) I had used it for a few things including a wing of the site that I'd use to just toss down random thoughts. It didn't get much traffic and, at the time, it was a bit easier to use than a journal or paper (the curse of being a broke artist is that, paper makes better use being drawn on than written upon). After the site fell apart, I had a very long stint of not being able to get online in a frequent manner. So it went into hibernation until I decided that I would soon leave my job and go on a sojourn to, then, parts unknown. I figured I'd stop every now and then and blog things to my youth group, so they could see what I was learning as I traveled around.
But that never happened either, Ha, ha, ha.
So, here I am a week after the week I got back, starting the thing up.
My intentions for this blog have become a bit larger than just the random thoughts I have during the week. I intend to address an issue that I believe exists with myself here, that being a better understanding of who I am, to the kids I serve in youth group, the artists whom I support in music and the illustration field, and a place where I can interview friends and strangers. I also have an intention to post up other things of interests such as images of things I'm illustrating, some music I've done, and a fun maze or two.
But I'm going a bit long with this first post so, I wanted to leave you with something that I learned during my jaunt to Arizona that I just returned from:
I'm a Christian. (funny enough, my birth name is Christian, although I'm rarely referred to as such) When I went away I had become a very unproductive person. The job I had was monotonous and the level of stress I was under, drained the enthusiasm to be creative right out of me. I was finished...and my only idea of getting it all back was to flee to the desert and face God.
I must admit that the desert has an appeal to it, in that regard. People have been called to the "wilderness" throughout the Bible and even in the times since. I felt that it would be the correct move to get the answers I seek. I spent almost everyday fasting and just reading the bible until around 2 or 5pm.
In James, I read a scripture that I had several times and I saw a new message in it this time. James 1:1-18, he talks about going through trials and temptations. I'd read it before but, this time I saw a message that spoke to why I had ran off to the desert. In my former job, my co-workers and I were together in the thick of the frustrations the job produced. It was hard and I literally felt my spirit being pummeled while I was there. But what I didn't see at the time was that it was building up things in my walk with God. As I sat there re-reading this scripture during my days, God starting showing me instances where that trial and hardship I went through there had produced faith and understandings I could never have received in a happy and peaceful circumstance.
"Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be MATURE and COMPLETE, not lacking ANYTHING" - James 1:4
I would never have found the points of growth in both my natural and spiritual maturity, had it not been from the harshest of circumstances.
So, I guess my thought is that it was all that I had been battered with that brought my rut to a close and got me back to the point I'm starting at now. And, so it ends...the period of which I complain about my lack of "great job" or "Ideal circumstance." I don't learn anything from an easy, simple life.
And I wouldn't be here sharing my thoughts and how God is working through me, were it not for the difficulties that overwhelmed me.
- Conduct Lionhardt